Menulis lagi..
Kapan terakhir kali aku benar-benar menulis? Tentang perasaan, tentang aku
Hmm.. sudah lama sekali pastinya
Hmmm... ga tau mesti nulis apa
Rasanya ini seperti:
Sudah sejak lama banget pengen ketemu sama seseorang, tapi ga bisa, ga bisa, ga bisa
Dan setelah akhirnya bisa ketemu, malah ga tau mesti ngapain
Ga tau mau ngomong apa.. Cuma pengen duduk diem, di sebelah dia, menggenggam tangannya, ga ngomong apa-apa, dan sesekali mencuri-curi lihat ke arah wajahnya dan tersenyum... senang...
Hanya itu saja
Ya.. seperti itulah rasanya sekarang..
Rasanya cuma pengen diem.. ga ngetik apa-apa..
Cuma liatin monitor dengan perasaan rindu yang amat sangat karena ingin menulis, tapi karena terlalu senang bisa merasakan perasaan ini lagi.. jadi sampai ga bisa nulis apa-apa...
But I've already typed, right?
Beberapa hari yang lalu.
Aku tersadar.. tidak lama.. hanya dalam hitungan detik
Ketika dia, seseorang dari masa lalu, berkata padaku:
"Gw yakin lu ga akan niat terjun dari jembatan, or hurting urself so badly.. ur pride is away too perfect to do it"
Aku terus menerus mengulang kalimat terakhir darinya
My pride is away too perfect to do it...
My pride is away too perfect to cry, feel helpless and hopeless
Yes, my pride is away too perfect!
I used to be that girl...
A strong girl with a perfect pride, who'll never break her pride for anything
And I have to find her back.. to be in me again
It's been so long, since I paid full attention to someone, concerned anything about his want, his demand, his needs, his happiness... and forget about mine.
It's been so long since I had to understand that every people, with their relation with families, friends, lover, works, has its own problems... and forget about mine.
And now.. when I realize it all, I'm already a step closer to dying
I need time to be alone...
Alone but surrounding by people
I need time to be silent...
Silent but people keep talking to me, whether I'll answer it or not
I just need time... to be understood